Last night I had the privilege of talking with several fine missionaries. The sister missionaries from Ellicott City Ward stopped by for me to burn them some CD's after dinner. While the sisters were over, the Ellicott City Elders came over to grab the thumb drive from the sisters. They are very outgoing. They make me laugh on how they work and how they interact. These young men and women have fun and you can see that they enjoy what they do and find happiness in the work. You can tell that the 4 of them are friends. But what caught my attention was the Ellicott City sister missionaries.
These sisters are so sweet and kind. They are young and right at the beginning of their mission. Because of the large increase of missionaries new missionaries are becoming trainers more quickly than normal. From this, I have seen that missionary responsibility has been given to younger missionaries and it is causing them to grow in leadership and their confidence has increased. But one thing I have noticed is the wisdom that simply comes from experience, wisdom that is shared from a senior missionary companion to a junior companion is now missing. And I never would have thought about this critical link, if it was not for the sweetness of these two girls.
Last night, as I was burning some CD's for the missionaries (they both came out with NO music, so I have been finding some music here and there for them) the missionaries ask me a question out of the blue. They ask me how I can still be happy when things are difficult. I'm surprised by this question because I have been seriously struggling with this myself. I am struggling with depression and the purpose of my life because of everything that has happened in the last couple of years. I feel like I am breaking.. But I was shocked when the missionaries were shocked by my response. They see me as being strong, and happy, and at peace with myself. They seem me as an example of a strong woman, in control of her destiny, strong in her testimony of Christ, and ready to meet life head on. I'm shocked at their response. There's a lot of shock in the room. If you cannot tell. Then they reveal to me that the question was more for them, not knowing that I was struggling with the same feelings that they are.
These poor sisters are struggling from normal anxieties and concerns that all missionaries are going through, but as they are in their 2nd and 3rd transfer, so no more than 4 months into their missions. They don't have anyone telling them or sharing with them about the mission and the realities of the mission. They don't have people telling them that it is harder than they ever imagined or thought of, but the rewards are so tremendous and the joy found is nothing to be compared with. My uncle and brothers have said on multiple occasions that a mission are the best 2 months (not 2 years) of your life. They laughed so hard at this. I have not served a mission so I do not fully get the joke, but I can understand it.
My heart goes out to these sisters. I wish I was able to keep them around and invite them over to just let them know that someone is cheering them on. Someone is in their corner. They are on the Lord's errand, trying to do nothing but good, but some times it is hard to continue on when there is no one by your side, that you can see, that you can hug. I know these girls have wonderful and great parents, but that physical touch is so important.
This allows me to comprehend Joseph Smith's experience in Liberty Jail (which is one of my favorite church history sites) and appreciate a little more what he endured. I don't know if he would have thought of himself as strong or in control, or ready to meet the demands of his life. But as we, or rather I, look back at what he went through, I doubt anyone (even people not of my faith) could say he did not endure the experience well. I see grace and humility, even when he pleads with God.
"O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?
"... O Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven, earth, and seas, and of all things that in them are, and who controllest and sujectest the devil, and the dark and benighted dominion of Sheol - stretch forth thy hand; let thine eye pierce; let thy pavilion be taken up; let thy hiding place no longer be covered; let thine ear be inclined; let thine heart be softened, and thy bowels moved with compassion toward us."
Doctrine and Covenants 121: 1 & 4
Even when Joseph feels in the "depths of despair" (throwing in a little Anne of Green Gables for some good measure) he is still able to show strength. Reaching out for help. The Lord responds with some of the sweetest words written in all of scripture.
"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
"And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high;..."
Doctrine and Covenants 121: 7-8
I love the sweetness of this answer from the Lord. The comfort is like a spiritual hug. But it is also true that "It is not good that the man should be alone" (Genesis 2:18) and created a help meet for us. The Lord knew that as much as we would rely on Him, we would also have to have a tangible/physical help. Someone that we can rely on and work with to become a better person, someone to help us meet all our goals - both earthly and spiritually. Many times people, and I, solely see this as a spouse, a wife for Adam. But I wonder if the Lord was teaching us two lessons. I wonder if he was not showing us 2 relationships - the Garden where friendship was taught and given, and then a true "marriage" after the Garden. I wonder if we were learning then the power of just being around, to be a help to be a person. The power of a hug. The Lord kept Adam and Even in the Garden for a time to teach them what they would need to know. I'm sure a wilderness survival 101 course of some sort was given. But I am sure that other lessons were given, and why not this?
I know, I know - Thank you Bishop Beck - "Now these mysteries are not yet fully made known unto me; therefore I shall forbear" (Alma 37:11). These are just musings of mine. Some that I'll continue to ponder, but that ultimately do not make a difference in my opinion of God or my religion, but it helps me understand the importance of our relationships that the Lord set up for us. My relationship and reliance on my God, but also the relationships and reliance on friends and family. And with the importance of these 2 groups of relationships, the Lord provided a way for them to continue beyond the grave. He gave us the ordinance of sealings. Marriage and family exist beyond "till death do you part", beyond the grave. He died that we might live. He gave us family and sanctified our work, sacrifices, our joys and made a way for us to walk together back to him.
Which brings us full circle back to the missionaries. They believe and have a knowledge of this joy, this gospel, and this relationship with God. They have such love for this work they want to share it and let others know what they do. This is why their is such sorrow and hard times when they have rejection after rejection and do not see any positive results from their labors. (But lets face it, rejection of any kind is always hard.)
Wow, long post. Sorry! Off to continue to ponder and see what I can do help the missionaries. After all, they are someone else's son/daughter, brother/sister. I know my brother is struggling with his mission. I know that he is facing trials and struggles that I will only have glimpses of and there is nothing I can do half way around the world. I hope that someone in South Korea is looking out for and willing to be there for my brother too. After all, he is one of the good ones too.
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